WHAT IS LOVE-SHYNESS?
Love-shyness is a specific type of sometimes severe chronic shyness that impairs or prevents intimate relationships. It implies a degree of inhibition and reticence with potential partners that may be sufficiently severe to preclude participation in courtship, marriage and family roles. According to this definition, love-shy people may find it difficult if not impossible to be assertive in informal situations involving potential romantic or sexual partners. For example, a heterosexual love-shy man may in some cases have trouble initiating conversations with women because of strong feelings of social anxiety.
I’d say that 100 percent love-shy people are unable to do three things:
1. Approach a member of the opposite sex with romantic intent, even in the case of knowing that the result will not be a rejection.
2. Make romantic initiative towards a person you know without that person doing anything like that first, even in the case of knowing that the result will not be a rejection.
3. Unable to reciprocate romantic interest of others, ie they are often afraid to reciprocate indicators of interest.
For these reasons I think that it is nonsense to say that love-shyness is a mere social phobia. It is a much more narrow phobia and should be treated as such.
HOW TO OVERCOME SHYNESS
1. UNDERSTAND YOUR SHYNESS
Seek to understand your unique brand of shyness and how that manifests in your life. Understand what situation triggers this feeling? And what are you concerned with at that point?
2. TURNING SELF CONSCIOUSNESS INTO SELF AWARENESS
Recognize that the world is not looking at you. Besides, most people are too busy looking at themselves. Instead of watching yourself as if you are other people, bring your awareness inwards. Armed with your understanding of what makes you shy, seek within yourself and become the observing presence of your thoughts. Self awareness is the first step towards any change or life improvement.
3. FIND YOUR STRENGTHS
We all have unique qualities and different ways of expressing ourselves. It’s important to know and fully accept the things we do well, even if they differ from the norm. If everyone was the same, the world would be a pretty boring place.
- Find something you are good at and focus on doing it. An identifiable strength will boost your natural self esteem and your ego, helping you better identify with yourself. It is a short term fix, but will give you the confidence you need to break your self-imposed barrier of fear.
- See how your unique strength gives you an advantage. For example, Amanda is a naturally quiet person who prefers to spend time alone. She learned that she listens better than others and notices things that others miss in conversations. She also discovered that her alone time has given her a better understanding of herself.
4. ACCEPT REJECTION
Accept the possibility that we can be rejected and learning to not take it personally. Remember, you are not alone and we all experience rejections. It is part of life and part of the learning process. The key lies in how you handle rejections when they come. It helps to be mentally prepared before they happen:- Never take it personally. It was not your fault. It just wasn’t meant to be. The scenario was not the best fit for you.
- Find the lesson – what did you learn? There is a lesson ingrained in every situation. And through these life lessons lies the potential for you to become a better person, a stronger person. Nothing is lost if you can find the lesson. See these as the blessings in disguise.
- Move on. Recognize that when you fall into self-pity, you are not moving forward. Nothing will be changed from your self-pity. When you start to recognize this, it becomes clear that only energy is wasted while we feed to our problem-seeking ego. Pick yourself up, dust off the dirt and move on to the next thing. Try again, try again, try again. It will pay off!
5. STOP LABELING YOURSELF
Stop labeling yourself as a shy person. You are you, you are unique, and you are beautiful. Can’t we just leave it at that?6. PRACTICE SOCIAL SKILLS
Like any other skill, social skills can be cultivated through practice and experience. The more you put yourself out there, the easier it becomes next time. If you have a hard time knowing what to say, you can practice what to say ahead of time.7. PRACTICE BEING IN UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATIONS
Sometimes, it is not the social skills we lack, but rather the lack of self confidence that we may succeed, and a heightened fear that we will fail. Placing yourself in these uncomfortable situations will help to desensitize your fear towards the situation. The more you force yourself to face it, and to experience it completely, you will realize that it is not that bad after all. It may be hard for your ego to accept at first, but quickly you will find that you can just laugh and enjoy it.
by Unknown · 0
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